Stop saying “Thank You” to your coaching client, here's what to say intead

In coaching it’s always about the client, not about the coach. Saying “thank you” is often about me the coach. I had never thought about it from this point of view. I am so used to saying “Thank you…” or “That was beautiful… thanks for sharing” and other such words of encouragement, to get the person I am engaging with to open up. In a coaching context, this is not good practice. Instead, I could say “I acknowledge what you just shared…” or “That is understandable…” 

Do you really understand?

There is a nuance to be noted here. I understand.. vs that is understandable”. "I understand" makes some assumptions and once again brings me, the coach, into the conversation. "That is understandable" is an acknowledgement with no assumptions loaded into it. These are some of the lovely learnings that I mined from a wonderful online classroom session early on a Sunday morning. 

As I progress on my coach journey, heading towards the PCC accreditation, I am reminded that the road to mastery never ends. There is always something more to learn, some new insight that shines a light on old knowledge, and from there wisdom emerges. 

Replaying what I heard the client say also has an important role to play in bringing awareness and clarity to the client. It enables them to hear themselves and also allows them to pause and process what they just shared. 

Bring the coaching client into NOW 

When the sharing is full of emotion the other reminder I got was to bring the client into the present. “As you reflect on all that you shared, what is coming up for you NOW”. Keeping the client here (and not getting lost in the story or drawn back into it by the emotion of the post) is another important role the coach plays. “Where do you want to go from here ?” Having processed the meaning and significance of that emotion, enabling the client to move forward is part of what the coaching process offers. 

So here is me saying a big thank you for finding the joy of this learning as I try to build a new muscle. One that stops me from offering thanks when I have my coach mode turned on. I look forward to simply acknowledging the client and enabling them to see themselves through their eyes.

Nikhil Dey is a certified ICF coach and founder of soul2solecoaching. He is the first recipient of the ICF India Coaching Excellence Rising Star Award.

Photo by Howie R on Unsplash