Simple ways for coaches to offer active feedback in a session

If you see something, say something, can be a wonderful way to challenge a client in a supportive way. The ICF Core Competency number 7 - Evokes Awareness is defined as follows: (the coach) “Facilitates client insight and learning by using tools and techniques such as powerful questioning, silence, metaphor or analogy”. In specific 7.2 puts a spotlight on the aspect of challenging a client… “Challenges the client as a way to evoke awareness or insight”

Offer active feedback, reframe your words

When you see something in a coaching session that catches your attention, say something but remember to take the “you” out of it. How exactly do you do that? Simple instead of saying “When you said xxx” reframe the sharing as an observation “It sounds like someone who …. “ By making a reference to it sounding like someone (not the client but a general someone) it makes it easier for the client to receive the information. This is a great way to reflect without making it personal. It’s an interesting way to soften the delivery of what’s being offered but not the message. These are some of the words of wisdom that I picked up from a session I attended with MCC coach Merci Miglino.

Activate the observer's mind - this is one of the things a coach does by being observant. ‘Name it to tame it, an idea coined by Dan Siegel is based on this principle of activating the observer within. Being able to observe and figure out what is going on and name an emotion allows us to get through or past it. A pattern interrupt or disruption is one of the benefits of a good coaching conversation.

For example… if a client in a coaching conversation says “A leader needs to have a minimum of 15 years of experience to….” and in my mind (as the coach) I decode this as an assumption that my client is making, how would I use this reminder to say what I see I could ask a question that sounds something like this. “What makes you say that a leader needs a minimum of 15 years…?”

An alternative way to offer feedback is to use my body as an instrument to reflect. I could check with my client if I can share something. It would sound like this “May I share something that happens to me when you said a leader needs a minimum of 15 years…. It made me feel like I was listening to someone who was holding themselves back… I’m not sure if I sensed that correctly… can you share what was happening to you?”

If I see something, I must trust myself to find a way to say it in the client's service. The caveat here is to stay away from judgment and advice. The intent must only be to evoke awareness or insight. If what I saw was not what the client experienced when I shone the light on it, maybe something else emerged and that’s just perfect too.

Not being attached to my point of view often brings things into sight simply because the coach and client paused to examine a moment more deeply. If you see it. Say it.

Something to think about… can you see it?

Nikhil Dey is a certified ICF coach and founder of soul2solecoaching. He is the first recipient of the ICF India coaching excellence rising star award.

Picture courtesy https://unsplash.com/@kellysikkema