Coaching is a way to look life in the face

It is not easy to look life in the face and meet each moment with honesty.

“Many of us will be ready to seek the truth only once we have concluded that the cost of not doing so is too high, or once we become sufficiently acquainted with our own ache of longing for the real” says author Gabor Mate in his book, " The Myth of Normal: Trauma, Illness, and Healing in a Toxic Culture

Face to face with some hard truths. Every so often life tends to knock me down, trim me to size if you will. This trimming when it happens is often not a pleasant experience. Most times, however, with the power of hindsight, I can see that it enabled my growth. Like a tree that was pruned by a caring gardener to enable it to grow stronger.

When faced with hard times, we are often prompted to look life in the face. To accept the reality of what is going on is to embrace the opportunity that lies ahead. A few questions that I find my clients often ask themselves:

1)      Am I on the right path?

2)      What is my life purpose?

3)     Did I opt out because it was too difficult?

4)      Am I good enough?

These are powerful questions to come face to face with.

Examining the path. The right path for who? What made it difficult? A deeper dive into these still waters helps clarity to emerge.  Understanding what brought us to the doorstep of change…. What can I learn from this difficult situation? And finally… Are you good enough in whose eyes? Your own? Somebody else’s? What is the significance of being good? Coaching conversations often enable me to see better in the here and now, instead of waiting for hindsight to show the grand design.

The right path is in alignment with my core life purpose, and my values and that uses my natural skills and talents. The ability to seek out these answers and to walk this path needs to be confronted for growth to happen. This is often what the gift of coaching offers.

The original self gets lost. Sometimes difficulties arise because values are compromised or one’s life purpose is unfulfilled or the skills being used are not the most natural ones but those acquired because of social pressure or economic need. This comes from conditioning from well-meaning others and society at large. Parents, friends, educational institutions, and work environments, mould us, often to the extent that we lose sight of who we are.

Moving away from this zone of the ‘conditioned self’ and embracing the ‘authentic self’ is hard work. It’s difficult work. Running away from difficulties and into the arms of difficulty is worth it if in the end there is harmony. Coaching is a powerful catalyst and enabler of this process.

Let’s face it - Looking life in the face may not be easy but it’s worth it. The cost of not doing so is simply too high a price to pay. Longing for the real, is about letting the 'real you' breath in this wonderful world. If you have not done so as yet, try out a coaching conversation, it really does work.

Nikhil Dey is a certified ICF coach and founder of soul2solecoaching. He is the first recipient of the ICF India Coaching Excellence Rising Star Award.